Am I a “helicopter parent” because I don’t understand my child and I keep asking for help?
90% of a child’s brain develops by the age of 5.
The experiences of a child from 0-8 years old lie the foundation for all future brain growth. Concerns are often overlooked or brushed off during this critical time because they aren’t severe enough OR don’t fit “enough” diagnostic criteria….yet.
You’re afraid of jumping in because you don’t want to be a helicopter parent, but you also can’t bear to see your kid suffer.
All the while, the child, the parent, or the family unit as a whole, IS *needlessly* on the STRUGGLE BUS!
There are answers, there are things you can do, there is HOPE!
SOAP BOX ALERT! Early Intervention is LIQUID GOLD.
Don’t be scared of the word “intervention”....yes, intervention can mean…speech therapy, occupational therapy, physical therapy, play therapy, music therapy…..the list goes on and on of incredible therapies that can make a huge difference….it can also mean, a change in nighttime routine, how you play with your child, more routine sensory experiences, a change in mealtime routine, a change in how your child moves their body before school to create body awareness…..and they are all good and some will work for your child and some will not and IT IS ALL trial and error, BUT GUESS WHAT, I have NEVER met a parent that says,
“I wish we had NOT done XYZ therapy when my child was in preschool”
or
“I wish we didn’t consult with that OT when I was feeling worried when my child was crawling funny.”
NEVER, I have never heard that.
Neuroplasticity - the brain's ability to change or create new “highways.”
The brain changes the most before 8 years of age. Neuroplasticity is a beautiful thing and is always available (I’ve worked with both adult stroke and adult traumatic brain injury patients and seen incredible recovery). But, it’s never available, like it is in those first few informative years.
If you feel, in your gut… like something is “off” or one of your kid’s teachers is telling you that they feel something is off, pursue it. Feelings of worry or defensiveness are normal, but *try* (do as I say, not as I do) not to let them overtake you. Sometimes, just an evaluation is super helpful or a consult. Try not to land in a place of catastrophic thinking…”my child will never XYZ.” Again, knowledge is power. Just like we need to normalize support and therapy for mental health; we need to normalize support and intervention enabling parents to fully support their children.
Pediatricians
I love my pediatrician, she’s incredible. I’m NOT coming down on pediatricians, yet a system that often does not work (speaking for the United States). Unless you, the parent, go in with lists and videos and concerns, often across multiple visits…from my personal experience…the pediatrician is NOT going to suggest intervention UNLESS HUGE milestones are not being met such as not walking or talking “on time.”
Great! (🙄), so where do I turn?
First, have vulnerable conversations with anyone else caring for your child and share your worries and ask them what they see.
Keep a journal/list of worries/anything that feels off…intense…worrisome.
Keep videos. Kids don’t perform on command…. AND I can NOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH…this gets its own line:
KIDS OFTEN ACT COMPLETELY DIFFERENT IN DIFFERENT ENVIRONMENTS. (I’m thinking this is the title of my next blog…it’s such an important topic…)
Seek help - Personally, I typically spend too much time seeking out word of mouth referrals and prioritize experience over accolades. If you can narrow down your worry to a profession (OT, Speech, PT) then go that route, but if not, start with a Developmental Pediatrician. If these providers do not see any areas of concern and have not provided you with answers that feel satisfying, ask them who they think you should turn to. You are NOT crazy for wanting to fully understand your child and help them even if they will “grow out of it”....more on this annoying phrase later on…..
Meanwhile, I am here for you! I would love to help you find the right next step through my 1:1 consulting.
OR Have a question you think others would also like to know the answer to? I’d love to answer it for our community.
Ask here!
(Your voice won’t be used & any identifying information, like names, will be removed)
Finally, before you go, make sure to gain a fresh perspective on the importance of the body and all things SENSORY in my free video: Mindset Shifts!