“My kid gets rave reviews from their teachers, and then they come home and………”
Kids can look and perform completely differently in different places.
Do you perform the same after an amazing night's sleep and a nice fall walk as you do after getting stuck on a 10 hour flight delay the day before a major holiday? Of course, not.
This is one of the top 5 conversations I have with parents and girlfriends.
My child always (fill in the blank…listens, is happy, follows directions, plays nicely) at school , but never does (this) at home or vice versa.
There are many factors at play here, but from my experience the 2 that pack the most punch are: Environmental Sensory Demands and Sensory Modulation.
This is an oversimplification, but follow me…
Environmental Sensory Demands HOME VS. SCHOOL
First, what are the 5 common sensory demands of that space?
Visual, auditory, touch, smell, and taste
Have you been to an indoor cafeteria? I’m overstimulated. It’s intense.
HOWEVER, if your child is seeking a lot of sensory input, this might be their JAM (pun intended).
Is the space predictable? Predictability is a great precursor for anxiety.
For example, one day lunch is at 10:30 am and pizza is served, the next day it’s “picture day” with an altered schedule, lunch is at 12:45 and it’s “turkey burger day.”
If your child needs *extra movement* to be their best selves then this day may be their favorite. If your child thrives with predictability, then this would be a challenging day.
How safe do you feel on a subconscious level?
A space with 100s of unpredictable people you can’t control vs. a space with your favorite person in the world with your favorite blanket.
If you have that “icky” feeling, which space gives you control to DO something about it? Walk out, move to a different space, take a breather, jump while someone reads you a book, do somersaults while someone is speaking to you.
As you can see, this is very dependent on the child. Some kids thrive in chaos (I’m lovingly referring to a school environment), some kids shut down in chaos. Kids can perform significantly differently in different environments.
Sensory Modulation
Again, I’m going to simplify this concept. This is the MOST COMMON thing I saw when working in the school system.
Children doing well at school and then going home and not being able to function. Parents, with tears in their eyes, begging for help, not able to support their child with homework, feeling like something was VERY wrong with their child…..then the school, responding with “they are doing great here.”
Again, I say this with no judgment of either entities - the home or school environment. This was their truth of what they observed.
Sensory Modulation is kind of like a temperature gauge and children that have sensory modulation challenges, they “ride” at about a 9/10 all day at school.
They are good kids, that want to please, and have to work - A LOT - doing things other kids don’t even have to think about - sitting still, tolerating sound, tolerating a ton of visual information, tolerating multiple people talking, following directions while the kid behind them is tapping their foot…..these kiddos work VERY HARD ALL DAY!
When they get home to their safe space, it’s all they can do to close the door behind them before they are losing their SH*T. All kids need to decompress, all humans need to decompress, but this is different. The above is an extreme example, but you can see my point.
Environment matters and your sensory experiences and how your child’s specific body processes the sensory information matters. You can see this in very young children and there ARE THINGS YOU CAN DO TO SUPPORT YOUR CHILD. You don’t have to accept this…You don’t have to say, “well at least they are doing well at school, even though they are a wreck at home.” We can support them…through their entire day…no matter WHERE they are!
Check out my freebie, Mindset Shifts” which includes one of my “go to” tricks to support kiddos that are struggling with sensory modulation in different settings OR work with me 1:1! This is hard, you don’t have to do it alone.
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